Trapped !!!

Earlier this week I took the elevator to get to my lab (before all the health freaks start berating me for not taking the stairs, the lab happens to be on the 6th floor) in college. The elevator behaved in a perfectly agreeable manner till the 5th floor where it gave a mighty shudder. I panicked but since the lift continued upwards, I heaved a sigh of relief (ignorant me). The lift gave an even mightier shudder at the 6th floor and stopped.

Well, it was supposed to stop so no complaints there. But when the door refused to open after 5 minutes, I started panicking again. Well, enterprising people that these Singaporeans are, it was mentioned in bold letters near the door "IN CASE OF BREAKDOWN, DO NOT PANIC, PRESS THE ALARM BUTTON AND WAIT FOR RESCUE". Well, that was a very apt and succinct description of my situation so I had no choice but to press the alarm button and wait.
What followed was simply hilarious (now that I look back upon it) but was really quite irritating at that time. After a few seconds of pressing the alarm button, the officer in charge started enquiring about the situation through the intercom provided in the lift.

What follows is a dramatization of the conservation (mind you, not a word of it is made up) and the parts in italics represent my thoughts some of which I wanted to convey but could not due to some bad habits like courtesy and politeness which I happen to possess. Read on then and a statutory warning - do not fall off your chair or whatever you are sitting on due to shock or laughter overdose

Official: Hello
Me: Hello

Official: So are you stuck in the elevator ?
Me: Yes (No, I just pressed the button for fun. Wanted to listen to your beautiful baritone voice and tell Amitabh Bacchan that he has competition. OF COURSE I AM STUCK!!!)

Official: Are you alone ?
Me: Yes (Does that even matter ??? Will you not open the door if I was with someone ? Cut to the chase man and open the blessed door )

Official: May I know your name please ?
Me: (Uh oh !! Absolutely wrong question to ask at the absolutely wrong time. Looks like he is not aware of the trials and tribulations associated with my name.. well my life depends on it so..fingers crossed..here goes) Shu-bha-brata

Official: Sorry..can you please repeat that ?
Me: (Yeah right..as if I had expected you to get it on the first try..that would have been a miracle..so here goes again) Shu-bha-brata

Official: Si-va-prak-ash ?
Me: (Aaarghhhh!!! My name strikes again... Well who cares..I'll assume a false name..getting out of here is a priority..if I try to get my name right then probably I'll have to spend the night in the lift) Yes..that's it

Official: Are you a staff or a student ?
Me: (Oh dear god..Have I committed a murder or something..IS THIS QUESTION EVEN RELEVANT TO THE SITUATION $#%*&#^$&$* ???..) student

Official: Full time or part time ?
Me: (Ridiculous..Absolutely ridiculous..Were you a interrogator in the police force or something ? FOR GODS SAKE..I AM STUCK IN A LIFT..GET ME OUT) full time

Official: Which department are you in ?
Me: (I am speechless now..this really takes the cake) Computer Science

Official: Thank you. We'll send someone across shortly. Please don't panic
Me: (Yeah right..don't panic..thanks to your interrogation my panic has now been replaced by irritation) Ok

25 MINUTES LATER


Official: Hello, are you still inside the lift ?
Me: (Oh no..I attend hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry secretly.. just got my apparition license and disapparated outside..OF COURSE I AM INSIDE THE LIFT..WHERE ELSE DO YOU EXPECT ME TO BE..) Yes

Official: How are you feeling now ?

Me: (Looks like this guy watches a lot of indian news channels..'aap ke ghar main chori ho gayi hai..ab aap kaisa mahsoos kar rahe hain'.. is this even a time for pleasantries) I am fine

Official: I see. We have sent the technician. He'll be there shortly. Please don't panic
Me: (Shortly is it ? Can you please tell me how short is 'shortly' exactly because according to me 25 minutes is not quite shortly) Ok

15 MINUTES LATER..FINALLY..THE DOOR OPENS..THE ORDEAL ENDS..I AM FREE..HURRAY

Well, friends this is the true story of my ordeal which has permanently scarred my mind and has resulted in my praying every time I happen to board an elevator (an average of 4 to 5 times a day). I am still hoping to meet that guy someday who tormented me in that lift and just added to the frustration of being stuck inside (that too alone). I wonder what I'll do to him if I do run into him. I think I shall (SUPRESSED DUE TO STRONG LANGUAGE AND INAPPROPRIATE WORDS)

Kahani Hamaray Mahabharat Ki

The latest televised version of Mahabharat by (K)Ekta Kapoor is making a lot of news these days - be it the costumes designed by Manish Malhotra, the lavish sets or the speculation about who is playing what character. Recently, I happened to come across a message board on a website which had asked people to comment on the upcoming series and what they felt about it. Well, a large majority of people (predictably) felt that it would pale in comparison to the older version (by B.R. Chopra), however a select few had some pretty interesting (and rather funny) comments to make considering it was Ekta Kapoor - the saas bahu specialist who was at the helm of affairs. I found some of these comments outrageously funny and would like to share them with all you people. Please note that I do not mean any offence to anyone and all of this is to be taken in good humour.

Comment #1 The battle of Kurukshetra happens three times. Why ? Well, after the Kauravas are killed they come back again with the help of plastic surgery and all new faces (maybe with a new height also)

Comment #2 Kunti and Draupadi have regular saas bahu battles in Indraprastha (together with sound effects and rotating camera angles)

Comment #3 As Ekta kapoor is known for bringing characters from different serials together, maybe in this Mahabharat, the Kauravas will enlist the help of Ravana to fight the Pandavas who in turn will call upon Rama to join them in the battle

Comment #4 Tulsi (Smriti Irani) should be considered for the role of Bheem, Bakasur or Ghatotkach (people who have seen her recently should find this pretty funny)

Comment #5 This series may continue well into 2025. After all, if someone can stretch silly stories (read: the current K crop of serials) upto 7 years, god only knows what they will do when they have the largest epic in the world in their hands

Well, these comments were certainly the best of the lot I happened to come across. Hope you find them as funny as I did.

P.S : By the way, I happened to catch the first episode of "Kahani Hamaray Mahabharat Ki" (hope i got the number of a's and r's right ) and I was shocked. Firstly, the costumes looked as if they would be more suitable on roman gladiators. Secondly, it started off with the drapuadi cheer-haran sequence and then went into flashback mode (typical K-Serial style). The lesser I say about the acting and the dialogues the better. Give me the old Mahabharat any day (I am, in fact watching it on YouTube these days). Did any of you guys see it ? Feel free to give me your comments about it.

Singapore Sojourn - Part 2

Well, a quick recap of part 1
got job - left job - joined university in Singapore - flew to Singapore - went to hostel - opened room


What I saw once my eyes had adjusted to the light inside simply took my breath away. And I mean that quite literally as the smell emanating from within suggested that the world skunk conference was going on within in a garden of rafflesia flowers (refer the links if you do not find that part humorous). I stepped inside gingerly on the black tiled floor only to realize that the floor was actually white tiled (as a stray white patch suggested) and I was walking on what seemed to be (on second thoughts let it be, i don't want anyone to be sick over their keyboards). A description of the apartment would not be amiss here. The front door leads to a drawing and dining room and is connected to two bedrooms on one side whereas the kitchen and toilets are further up ahead. It appeared as if the previous occupants were so distraught upon leaving the flat they decided to carry out an 'Extreme makeover - home edition' on the apartment itself to prepare it for the new occupants. Upon reaching the kitchen, that ambrosial scent which had greeted me at my entry became almost overbearing and I could finally trace its origin to the fridge. Now, the previous occupants had very thoughtfully left behind a full stash of food (mostly dairy products) and then even more thoughtfully, had proceeded to switch off the fridge after placing all the food inside. I won't proceed to give a description of how the milk and curd looked (just in case someone pukes)..lets just say it was in such a severe degree of decomposition that if I drank that I probably would have mutated into something in the leagues of the Hulk. And to top it all, as a final addition of insult to injury, a broom was left behind by the owners (very thoughtfully) and was reclining majestically against the kitchen wall.

Well, I believe I gave you all a fair picture of the spectacle that greeted me on my arrival here. Encouraging isn't it...for someone on his first day in a foreign country. Anyways, after getting assurances from the management that the room would be cleaned by noon, we somehow managed to freshen up and went looking out for lunch. Who knew another (mis)adventure awaited us there. Now Singapore has these big food centers known as kopitiams where different kinds of food are sold under one roof and every shopping centre here has one. So we had one right behind our hostel, so we off we went and the first stall which we encountered proclaimed very proudly in bold letters its haute cuisine "PIGS ORGAN SOUP". Ahem, not a very auspicious start to our mission is it. Enterprising non-veg food lover that I am, I do draw a line between the stuff I find edible and the ones nauseating. Needless to say this item falls in the latter category (you can imagine the reaction of my friend who happens to be a pure vegetarian). Looking back over the events that had transpired after I landed at the hostel (first the room and then this), I wondered whether this some well planned conspiracy against us (by the prior occupants of our room, probably) to make us catch the return flight to India ASAP. Well, we were not going to give up so easily. After a full round of the market and surveying all the stalls (majority of which we observed, served some stuff in bowls in which floated some unknown creatures of the deep), I finally managed to find a stall selling fried chicken and rice (aah, finally something known to me). My friend however was not so lucky, and his first lunch in Singapore consisted of a loaf of bread, jam and milk. Well, by the time we got back to the hostel (which was cleaned up now, mercifully) my friend was already suffering from a severe bout of depression. I was also not exactly in the best of spirits - if this was a taste of the things to come, how was I going to survive here for 4 years ? Well, it appeared that we could only hope for things to change for the better and leave the rest in the hands of fate....

P.S: Things did change for the better. We had everything in control within one week and the whole place is so systematic and well organised that we had adjusted in no time. After all, I write this post as I complete almost 6 months of stay here.

Well, that's a description of my first day in Singapore. I'll keep on publishing posts about the surprising (and sometimes shocking) things I encountered here in the coming months (don't worry, I shall be writing about other stuff as well, this is not a blog exclusively dedicated to Singapore :) ). Till my next post then, Ciao...

Singapore Sojourn - Part 1

Well, a big hello to all my readers (if there are any left :) ). This post finds it way to my blog after a considerable gap (more than a year to be precise). A lot of things have happened in between though - got my btech degree, joined a company, got an offer for higher studies and after much thought, left the company (in 6 months time, must be a record) and set sail for foreign shores.

To put it more precisely, I got an offer from the National University of Singapore (NUS) for higher studies and after several sleepless nights spent making a decision, finally decided to go for it.So, in the wee hours of 7 January 2008, I landed at Changi International airport (with one of my friends in tow) all charged up. Err, not exactly very charged up given that almost the whole night I was awake in that flight trying to get some sleep which was next to impossible as the airlines insisted on serving food throughout the flight. Strange, just when you want nothing more than to catch a nap, the airhostess insists on waking you up and enquiring (very lovingly) if you would like some tea or coffee (what time was this you ask ? 3 a.m. yes A.M you read it right).

So, you can well imagine my condition, almost looking like one of the zombies from the night of the living dead. Still, in that condition the sheer size and elegance of the airport simply took my breath away. I saw only one section of one of three terminals but the trailer was enough to give the full picture. Not much can be described here (not that I saw much also), but here is a sample, there are orchid gardens inside the terminal (real orchids). If you are intrigued by this, follow this link to know more about the wonders contained within.

Well, it was smooth sailing till now. Our assigned welcome buddy (provided by our college, how thoughtful) was there to take us to our hostel. So we hailed a taxi and were off to our destination, our hostel to be precise. Now I was hoping to catch a few z's in the cab, but the taxi driver upon learning that we were from India, started talking about that eternal link between India and the rest of the world - Bollywood. The cab driver however was not interested about Shahrukh or Hrithik (or even Amitabh for that matter), he started enquiring about Shammi Kapoor (of all the actors !!!) and we were forced to a Singaporeans rendition of 'chahe koi mujhe junglee kahe'. Well, my hopes of getting some sleep were dashed so I focussed on the sights outside. What immediately captured my interest was the amount of greenery all around. There was not a single area bereft of any kind of vegetation whatsoever. Even the overbridges were bedecked with bougainvillea creepers. Hmm, my morale was already getting boosted by the sights (little did I anticipate what was about to come).

Finally, after travelling what felt like the entire length of the island we reached our hostel which overlooked a nice big park were some old chinese ladies were doing tai-chi (I can't explain what that means, its some sort of exercise and a perfectly respectable thing to do in a park). I was drop dead tired by this time so I was just waiting to go to our room and sleep in our nice room (as the hostel website photos suggested). We were checked into the hostel by a rather enthusiastic lady whose desk also doubled up as a breakfast table (considering we had arrived at 8:30 AM). The check in process which entailed saving my passport from an assault by strands of noodles and blotches of ketchup, was over pretty soon. We were both (my friend was also staying in the same room with me) handed a bunch of keys and we went off in eager anticipation to our room.

The hostel had around 11 floors with each floor having around 15 rooms along a balcony that overlooked the park I mentioned earlier. Our room was on the second floor so we were spared the ordeal of dragging our luggage all way up.
We got to our room, unlocked the door and went inside. Once the eyes adjusted to the light inside, what we saw...

....TO BE CONTINUED....