Earlier this week I took the elevator to get to my lab (before all the health freaks start berating me for not taking the stairs, the lab happens to be on the 6th floor) in college. The elevator behaved in a perfectly agreeable manner till the 5th floor where it gave a mighty shudder. I panicked but since the lift continued upwards, I heaved a sigh of relief (ignorant me). The lift gave an even mightier shudder at the 6th floor and stopped.
Well, it was supposed to stop so no complaints there. But when the door refused to open after 5 minutes, I started panicking again. Well, enterprising people that these Singaporeans are, it was mentioned in bold letters near the door "IN CASE OF BREAKDOWN, DO NOT PANIC, PRESS THE ALARM BUTTON AND WAIT FOR RESCUE". Well, that was a very apt and succinct description of my situation so I had no choice but to press the alarm button and wait.
What followed was simply hilarious (now that I look back upon it) but was really quite irritating at that time. After a few seconds of pressing the alarm button, the officer in charge started enquiring about the situation through the intercom provided in the lift.
What follows is a dramatization of the conservation (mind you, not a word of it is made up) and the parts in italics represent my thoughts some of which I wanted to convey but could not due to some bad habits like courtesy and politeness which I happen to possess. Read on then and a statutory warning - do not fall off your chair or whatever you are sitting on due to shock or laughter overdose
Official: Hello
Me: Hello
Official: So are you stuck in the elevator ?
Me: Yes (No, I just pressed the button for fun. Wanted to listen to your beautiful baritone voice and tell Amitabh Bacchan that he has competition. OF COURSE I AM STUCK!!!)
Official: Are you alone ?
Me: Yes (Does that even matter ??? Will you not open the door if I was with someone ? Cut to the chase man and open the blessed door )
Official: May I know your name please ?
Me: (Uh oh !! Absolutely wrong question to ask at the absolutely wrong time. Looks like he is not aware of the trials and tribulations associated with my name.. well my life depends on it so..fingers crossed..here goes) Shu-bha-brata
Official: Sorry..can you please repeat that ?
Me: (Yeah right..as if I had expected you to get it on the first try..that would have been a miracle..so here goes again) Shu-bha-brata
Official: Si-va-prak-ash ?
Me: (Aaarghhhh!!! My name strikes again... Well who cares..I'll assume a false name..getting out of here is a priority..if I try to get my name right then probably I'll have to spend the night in the lift) Yes..that's it
Official: Are you a staff or a student ?
Me: (Oh dear god..Have I committed a murder or something..IS THIS QUESTION EVEN RELEVANT TO THE SITUATION $#%*&#^$&$* ???..) student
Official: Full time or part time ?
Me: (Ridiculous..Absolutely ridiculous..Were you a interrogator in the police force or something ? FOR GODS SAKE..I AM STUCK IN A LIFT..GET ME OUT) full time
Official: Which department are you in ?
Me: (I am speechless now..this really takes the cake) Computer Science
Official: Thank you. We'll send someone across shortly. Please don't panic
Me: (Yeah right..don't panic..thanks to your interrogation my panic has now been replaced by irritation) Ok
25 MINUTES LATER
Official: Hello, are you still inside the lift ?
Me: (Oh no..I attend hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry secretly.. just got my apparition license and disapparated outside..OF COURSE I AM INSIDE THE LIFT..WHERE ELSE DO YOU EXPECT ME TO BE..) Yes
Well, it was supposed to stop so no complaints there. But when the door refused to open after 5 minutes, I started panicking again. Well, enterprising people that these Singaporeans are, it was mentioned in bold letters near the door "IN CASE OF BREAKDOWN, DO NOT PANIC, PRESS THE ALARM BUTTON AND WAIT FOR RESCUE". Well, that was a very apt and succinct description of my situation so I had no choice but to press the alarm button and wait.
What followed was simply hilarious (now that I look back upon it) but was really quite irritating at that time. After a few seconds of pressing the alarm button, the officer in charge started enquiring about the situation through the intercom provided in the lift.
What follows is a dramatization of the conservation (mind you, not a word of it is made up) and the parts in italics represent my thoughts some of which I wanted to convey but could not due to some bad habits like courtesy and politeness which I happen to possess. Read on then and a statutory warning - do not fall off your chair or whatever you are sitting on due to shock or laughter overdose
Official: Hello
Me: Hello
Official: So are you stuck in the elevator ?
Me: Yes (No, I just pressed the button for fun. Wanted to listen to your beautiful baritone voice and tell Amitabh Bacchan that he has competition. OF COURSE I AM STUCK!!!)
Official: Are you alone ?
Me: Yes (Does that even matter ??? Will you not open the door if I was with someone ? Cut to the chase man and open the blessed door )
Official: May I know your name please ?
Me: (Uh oh !! Absolutely wrong question to ask at the absolutely wrong time. Looks like he is not aware of the trials and tribulations associated with my name.. well my life depends on it so..fingers crossed..here goes) Shu-bha-brata
Official: Sorry..can you please repeat that ?
Me: (Yeah right..as if I had expected you to get it on the first try..that would have been a miracle..so here goes again) Shu-bha-brata
Official: Si-va-prak-ash ?
Me: (Aaarghhhh!!! My name strikes again... Well who cares..I'll assume a false name..getting out of here is a priority..if I try to get my name right then probably I'll have to spend the night in the lift) Yes..that's it
Official: Are you a staff or a student ?
Me: (Oh dear god..Have I committed a murder or something..IS THIS QUESTION EVEN RELEVANT TO THE SITUATION $#%*&#^$&$* ???..) student
Official: Full time or part time ?
Me: (Ridiculous..Absolutely ridiculous..Were you a interrogator in the police force or something ? FOR GODS SAKE..I AM STUCK IN A LIFT..GET ME OUT) full time
Official: Which department are you in ?
Me: (I am speechless now..this really takes the cake) Computer Science
Official: Thank you. We'll send someone across shortly. Please don't panic
Me: (Yeah right..don't panic..thanks to your interrogation my panic has now been replaced by irritation) Ok
25 MINUTES LATER
Official: Hello, are you still inside the lift ?
Me: (Oh no..I attend hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry secretly.. just got my apparition license and disapparated outside..OF COURSE I AM INSIDE THE LIFT..WHERE ELSE DO YOU EXPECT ME TO BE..) Yes
Official: How are you feeling now ?
Me: (Looks like this guy watches a lot of indian news channels..'aap ke ghar main chori ho gayi hai..ab aap kaisa mahsoos kar rahe hain'.. is this even a time for pleasantries) I am fine
Official: I see. We have sent the technician. He'll be there shortly. Please don't panic
Me: (Shortly is it ? Can you please tell me how short is 'shortly' exactly because according to me 25 minutes is not quite shortly) Ok
Me: (Shortly is it ? Can you please tell me how short is 'shortly' exactly because according to me 25 minutes is not quite shortly) Ok
15 MINUTES LATER..FINALLY..THE DOOR OPENS..THE ORDEAL ENDS..I AM FREE..HURRAY
Well, friends this is the true story of my ordeal which has permanently scarred my mind and has resulted in my praying every time I happen to board an elevator (an average of 4 to 5 times a day). I am still hoping to meet that guy someday who tormented me in that lift and just added to the frustration of being stuck inside (that too alone). I wonder what I'll do to him if I do run into him. I think I shall (SUPRESSED DUE TO STRONG LANGUAGE AND INAPPROPRIATE WORDS)
